Kim- I have an old childhood friend/crush that I haven't seen since we were kids. He's married with kids and I am in a relationship with a child. We reconnected on FB and his business allows him to travel a lot and on his next trio to NY he wants us to reconnect.
We don't really communicate much. We follow each other on twitter as well, We emailed back and forth to catch up and an email where he sent me an obituary of his great aunt with her pics that recently died because as kids we grew up knowing her. Trouble is I have a jealous boyfriend and I don't normally meet up with friend of the opposite sex for lunch etc. Its an unspoken understanding that my boyfriend and I have.
I want to meet up with him but on one hand I don't think its a good idea because I feel I will be betraying my bf somehow On the other hand I don't want to miss out just because of his insecurities. Also I think it would be fun for me to get glamorous and show him how I look after all these years, Not sure if I would be okay with it if the shoe was on the other foot.
Question: Should I go or should I keep my behind home?
Your 1st paragraph was all I needed to reach a decision. No matter what the history, no point in meeting up with a married man whom u say can potentially cause issues in your current relationship, if your man found out or not.....cuz if you have to hide it, you're already doing wrong. Because you can't guarantee this "meet up" won't stir up an attraction, it's best to avoid it all together. The key is to remember, you are no longer children, there for the innocence is gone. As adults, small actions like this have the potental to lead to big issues. Your intent, is already to create attraction, if you say you think it would be fun to glam up so he could see how great you look. There's no guarantee you will be attracted to him physically, but your curiosity thus this for, has a risk factor to create one.....and because you two have already been enjoying conversation, there's potental for an emotional one. What's the point of risking that, if both of you are already emotionally committed to someone else? If you know you wouldn't approve of this situation had it been your man and not you, don't bother. Dude, can see how hot you are on FB, so that's where the curiosity should remain.
I been married for 3 years. He's a doctor and he was a virgin when I met him and also he is very spiritual and involved with the church and he'd like to be a pastor.
We were in a relationship and on our first anniversary he proposed and I accepted. I will admit that I fell inlove because he was kind, romantic, god-fearing, accomplished as a doctor and treated me like a woman should be treated. I've been inlove before but I let who I felt was my soulmate go over some dumb BS. I let to much time go by and he ended up meeting someone else and because I let my pride get in the way, he ended up getting married :(
I moved on as well, besides there was this great guy sweeping me off my feet. Only thing about this guy was physically I didn't have the passionate connection I had with my ex. He was overweight and although handsome, sexually I wasn't really that attracted to him and remeber he was a virgin when I met him.
Fast forward 3 years later, we had 2 kids back to back. I had problematic pregnancies so our sex life suffered. We are constantly are arguing over money, how he doesn't help out around the house and he seemed even more unhappy over the lack of sex he was getting. Between his weight, the arguing and other stress I don't want to have sex. I find myself constantly thinking about my ex, my soulmate and knowing that I can be love in a passionate relationship and this my dear ain't it. I want out.
But before I can think of what my plan moving forward will be as far as trying to work it out, he drops a bomb and says he had a sexual encounter with a prostitute! Funny I am not mad he was with a prostitute or jealous of the fact that he was with another woman. Its just the push I need to get out. Recently we got into an argument and it became physical.
Should I try work things out with him? I want to be happy and I have 2 small children...
You seemed to have married a guy who you felt was sweet, stable and into you.....which would be great if I felt that you are in love with him. You have to examine your feelings and ask your self if you love him and/or are in love with him. Don't base your decision to terminate this relationship on the passionate relationship you had with your ex. He's no longer relevant....and just because you had a strong passionate connection with someone doesn't make them the right person for you. You want a man, that connects with and respects your mind body AND soul...a man who provides, protects and pleases you. Marrying a virgin is tricky, so I can't say I'm surprised by his infidelity. I don't condone it, but I understand it...but a prostitute??? Sorry hun, this is not the perfect pastor-to-be man you thought you married. Even more disturbing, is the fact that you don't seem to be bothered by this indiscretion. I don't have any indication of how he feels about cheating on you, so I'm not sure what his intent is...but based on your own feelings, it sounds like you should start the process of dissolving this union. If still uncertain, seek counseling regarding ways to resolve....and no matter what you decide, do not remain married to a man you don't feel emotionally committed and connected to...especially if it's only for the sake of the children.
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Kim- I have an old childhood friend/crush that I haven't seen since we were kids. He's married with kids and I am in a relationship with a child. We reconnected on FB and his business allows him to travel a lot and on his next trio to NY he wants us to reconnect.
ReplyDeleteWe don't really communicate much. We follow each other on twitter as well, We emailed back and forth to catch up and an email where he sent me an obituary of his great aunt with her pics that recently died because as kids we grew up knowing her. Trouble is I have a jealous boyfriend and I don't normally meet up with friend of the opposite sex for lunch etc. Its an unspoken understanding that my boyfriend and I have.
I want to meet up with him but on one hand I don't think its a good idea because I feel I will be betraying my bf somehow On the other hand I don't want to miss out just because of his insecurities. Also I think it would be fun for me to get glamorous and show him how I look after all these years, Not sure if I would be okay with it if the shoe was on the other foot.
Question: Should I go or should I keep my behind home?
Your 1st paragraph was all I needed to reach a decision. No matter what the history, no point in meeting up with a married man whom u say can potentially cause issues in your current relationship, if your man found out or not.....cuz if you have to hide it, you're already doing wrong. Because you can't guarantee this "meet up" won't stir up an attraction, it's best to avoid it all together. The key is to remember, you are no longer children, there for the innocence is gone. As adults, small actions like this have the potental to lead to big issues. Your intent, is already to create attraction, if you say you think it would be fun to glam up so he could see how great you look. There's no guarantee you will be attracted to him physically, but your curiosity thus this for, has a risk factor to create one.....and because you two have already been enjoying conversation, there's potental for an emotional one. What's the point of risking that, if both of you are already emotionally committed to someone else? If you know you wouldn't approve of this situation had it been your man and not you, don't bother. Dude, can see how hot you are on FB, so that's where the curiosity should remain.
DeleteKim,
ReplyDeleteI been married for 3 years. He's a doctor and he was a virgin when I met him and also he is very spiritual and involved with the church and he'd like to be a pastor.
We were in a relationship and on our first anniversary he proposed and I accepted. I will admit that I fell inlove because he was kind, romantic, god-fearing, accomplished as a doctor and treated me like a woman should be treated. I've been inlove before but I let who I felt was my soulmate go over some dumb BS. I let to much time go by and he ended up meeting someone else and because I let my pride get in the way, he ended up getting married :(
I moved on as well, besides there was this great guy sweeping me off my feet. Only thing about this guy was physically I didn't have the passionate connection I had with my ex. He was overweight and although handsome, sexually I wasn't really that attracted to him and remeber he was a virgin when I met him.
Fast forward 3 years later, we had 2 kids back to back. I had problematic pregnancies so our sex life suffered. We are constantly are arguing over money, how he doesn't help out around the house and he seemed even more unhappy over the lack of sex he was getting. Between his weight, the arguing and other stress I don't want to have sex. I find myself constantly thinking about my ex, my soulmate and knowing that I can be love in a passionate relationship and this my dear ain't it. I want out.
But before I can think of what my plan moving forward will be as far as trying to work it out, he drops a bomb and says he had a sexual encounter with a prostitute! Funny I am not mad he was with a prostitute or jealous of the fact that he was with another woman. Its just the push I need to get out. Recently we got into an argument and it became physical.
Should I try work things out with him? I want to be happy and I have 2 small children...
You seemed to have married a guy who you felt was sweet, stable and into you.....which would be great if I felt that you are in love with him. You have to examine your feelings and ask your self if you love him and/or are in love with him. Don't base your decision to terminate this relationship on the passionate relationship you had with your ex. He's no longer relevant....and just because you had a strong passionate connection with someone doesn't make them the right person for you. You want a man, that connects with and respects your mind body AND soul...a man who provides, protects and pleases you. Marrying a virgin is tricky, so I can't say I'm surprised by his infidelity. I don't condone it, but I understand it...but a prostitute??? Sorry hun, this is not the perfect pastor-to-be man you thought you married. Even more disturbing, is the fact that you don't seem to be bothered by this indiscretion. I don't have any indication of how he feels about cheating on you, so I'm not sure what his intent is...but based on your own feelings, it sounds like you should start the process of dissolving this union. If still uncertain, seek counseling regarding ways to resolve....and no matter what you decide, do not remain married to a man you don't feel emotionally committed and connected to...especially if it's only for the sake of the children.
ReplyDelete